Birthday Jokes, Funny Birthday Jokes, Rude Birthday Jokes

Birthday Jokes and funny birthday jokes has been compiled here to make you feel happy.

  • Joe was sitting at a bar. He was totally depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked what was wrong. "I'll never understand women" said Joe. "The other night on my birthday, my wife said as my gift, I could do with her what I wanted." "Wow! That's quite some gift" said the bartender. "So why are you so dejected?" "Well I thought about it for a while" said Joe, "and decided to send her home to her mother, and now she won't even speak to me!"
  • Sam's girlfriend's birthday was the same day as his father's. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume and his father a pistol. He wrapped the perfume and wrote a note to his girlfriend, saying, 'Use this all over yourself and think of me.' Unfortunately he put the note on his father's present.
  • A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"
  • A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?' she asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . .' and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. 'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm lost!'
Also, Rude Birthday Jokes have been collected here which are really some of the best humor birthday jokes and Short Birthday Jokes.

  • A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
    "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work.
    By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
    "What took you so long to answer?"
    "I was in bed."
    "What were you doing in bed this late?"
    "Getting a second opinion."
  • You might be a redneck if...
    You don't think Jeff's Foxworthy's jokes are funny.
    Every time you see a roadsign that says "DIP" you reach in your back pocket.
    You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
    You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.
    You have to hit the dashboard in your truck to get the lights and radio to work.
    The tires on your pick-up are taller than your children.
    The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out.
    You think "dual airbags" refers to your wife and mother-in-law.
    Shopping for dinner involves an orange vest.
    Your school dress code contains the line "Shoes Optional".
  • Two blonde girls were working for the county public works department.

    One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in.

    They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

    An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing.

    So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it... why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

    The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick."

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