Birthday Jokes, Birthday Jokes Men, Birthday Jokes Women, Rude Birthday Jokes

Birthday Jokes, is now here to give you about birthday jokes, happy birthday jokes, birthday jokes for men and birthday jokes for women respectively.

Here, i have listed few jokes which are lengthy birthday jokes and long birthday jokes. Just go through them and have a fun all the time while you are on birthday jokes. Please let me know if you want me to post your desired birthday jokes. Leave a comment here or email: birthdayjokes at gmail dot com
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A businessman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls-Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest , which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is; why would you bother to borrow $5,000?

The businessman replied: Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?

A lady and her young son were travelling in a taxi in New York. As it passed a particularly seedy part of the city the boy was fascinated by the garishly made-up women who were walking along the streets accosting some of the male passers-by. He asked his mum what they were doing and she replied in an embarassed voice that they were probably asking for directions. The taxi driver heard this and said "Why dontcha tell the boy the truth -- in udda words they're prostitutes." The lady blushed and the boy asked her "What are pros.... what the driver said? Are they like other women? Do they have children?" "Of course" said the mother "Where do you think New York taxi drivers come from?"

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Kachidza was at a local beerhall when a beautiful woman walked in. The beerhall was full and there was only one one place to sit: next to him! Kachidza, always a friendly guy, decided to strike up a conversation with his pretty new neighbor. But as soon as he said "Hello, Miss..." she turned to him and screamed at the top of her lungs, "WHAT KIND OF A PERSON DO YOU THINK I AM, YOU PERVERT!"

This caught him very off guard, as all of his friends in the beerhall were glaring at him for trying to molest this newcomer. He slouched down as far as he could on his stool, and looked at what he knew would be his last drink here in a long time.

After a few minutes the lady said to him, "I'm sorry if I scared or embarrassed you. I'm a Psychology student and I'm doing a study on what happens to an innocent person when they are falsely accused of something in public. Please don't take it personally. We're friends, right? Shake hands?"

Kachidza looked at her, her hand stretched out, her eyes imploring and yelled out, "A THOUSAND BUCKS FOR A NIGHT!!! ARE YOU CRAZY??"

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The first grade class comes in from recess, and Teacher asks Mary, "What did you do at recess?"

Mary says, "I played in the sand box."

Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."

She does, and gets a cookie.

Teacher asks Billy what he did at recess.

Billy says, "I played with Mary in sand box."

Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'Box" correctly on blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."

Billy does, and gets a cookie.

Teacher then asks Bernie Goldberg what he did at recess.

He says, "I tried to play with Mary and Billy, but they threw rocks at me."

Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."

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It's an excellent essay for someone your age,' said the English teacher. 'How about for someone my Mum's age, Miss?' 'Welcome to school, Simon,' said the nursery school teacher to the new boy.

'How old are you?' 'I'm not old,' said Simon. 'I'm nearly new.' Miss Jones agreed to be interviewed by Fred for the school magazine. 'How old are you, ma'am?' asked Fred. 'I'm not going to tell you that,' she replied.

'But Mr Hill the technical teacher and Mr Hill the geography teacher told me how old they were.' 'Oh well,' said Miss Jones. 'I'm the same age as both of them.

' The poor teacher was not happy when she saw what Fred wrote: Miss Jones, our English teacher, confided in me that she was as old as the Hills. 'Now remember, boys and girls,' said the science teacher, 'you can tell a tree's age by counting the rings in a cross section. One ring for each year.'

Fred went home for tea and found a chocolate roll on the table. 'I'm not eating that, Mum!' she said. 'It's five years old.' Grandma: You've left all your crusts, Fred.

When I was your age I ate every one. Fred: Do you still like crusts, Grandma? Grandma: Yes, I do. Fred: Well, you can have mine. How old is your wife? Approaching forty.

From which direction? An eminent old man was being interviewed, and was asked if it was correct that he had just celebrated his ninety-ninth birthday. `That's right,' said the old man. `Ninety-nine years old, and I haven't an enemy in the world. They're all dead.'

`Well, sir,' said the interviewer, `I hope very much to have the honour of interviewing you on your hundredth birthday.' The old man looked at the young man closely, and said, `I can't see why you shouldn't. You look fit and healthy to me!'

Stay back for more fun at birthday jokes

Birthday Jokes, Birthday Jokes Men, Birthday Jokes Women, Rude Birthday Jokes

Birthday Jokes, is now here to give you about birthday jokes for men and birthday jokes for women.

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."

The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

Birthday Jokes Men:

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche! New!

The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot. So he went to the lady s house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche.

"Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady s house.

"Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"

"My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money."

Birthday Jokes Shortest Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"

The girl said: "NO!"

Then the girl went shopping, dancing, and traveling. She drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, went anywhere she wanted and didn't have to call home, never had pointless arguments, ate lots of ice cream, watched anything she wanted on TV, had many lovers ... or not, and didn't share her money with anyone. She had all the hot water to herself and the whole bed too. She didn't have to listen to snoring or farting or

burping. . .phew! She went to the theater, never watched sports, never wore lacy lingerie that went up her butt, and never cried or yelled simply out of frustration. She read all those books by her bed and she sat in the sun and drank iced tea. She felt fabulous in sweat pants and wore them until they fell apart. She smiled and laughed and was pleasant all the time!

And ... the girl lived happily forever-after.

The End

Stay back and put an eye on birthday jokes for more men birthday jokes, rude birthday jokes and many. If you have any birthday jokes to share with me or any suggestions which you would like to give then please comment here with your e-mail id. I will revert it asap.

Birthday Jokes, Birthday Jokes Men, Birthday Jokes Women, Rude Birthday Jokes

Birthday Jokes, is now here to give you about birthday jokes for men and birthday jokes for women.

What women want in a man at age 22:

• Handsome
• A caring listener
• Charming
• Dresses with style
• Full of thoughtful surprises
• Financially successful
• Witty
• In good shape
• An imaginative, romantic lover
• Appreciates finer things

What women want in a man at age 32:

• Has enough money for a nice dinner
• Nice looking (preferably with hair)
• Carries bags of groceries with ease
• Opens car doors, holds chairs
• Seeks romance at least once a week
• Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
• Listens more than talks
• Laughs at my jokes
• Owns at least one tie
• Remembers birthdays and anniversaries

What women want in a man at age 42:

• Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
• Nods head when I'm talking
• Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
• Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
• Not too ugly (bald head is fine)
• Shaves most weekends
• Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
• Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
• Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
• Remembers to put the toilet seat down

What women want in a man at age 52:

• Appreciates a good TV dinner
• Remembers your name on occasion
• Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
• Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
• Doesn't borrow money too often
• Doesn't belch or scratch in public
• Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
• Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
• Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
• Shaves some weekends

What women want in a man at age 62:

• Remembers that it's the weekend
• Doesn't scare small children
• Likes soft foods
• Only snores lightly when asleep
• Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
• Remembers where bathroom is
• Remembers why he's laughing
• Doesn't require much money for upkeep
• Usually wears some clothes
• Remembers where he left his teeth

What women want in a man at age 72:

• Doesn't miss the toilet
• Breathing

Birthday Joke - Joke On Wife's Birthday

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"

She said, "I'd love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was.

She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning.

Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets.

At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"

One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

Birthday Jokes, Short Birthday Jokes, Funny Birthday Jokes

A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office.

The interviewer starts with the basics.
"So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.
"And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup.
"Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks -
"What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?"

"Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead...
" I was just running through that song -
'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...' "

Birthday Jokes, Funny Birthday Jokes, Rude Birthday Jokes

Birthday Jokes and funny birthday jokes has been compiled here to make you feel happy.

• Joe was sitting at a bar. He was totally depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked what was wrong. "I'll never understand women" said Joe. "The other night on my birthday, my wife said as my gift, I could do with her what I wanted." "Wow! That's quite some gift" said the bartender. "So why are you so dejected?" "Well I thought about it for a while" said Joe, "and decided to send her home to her mother, and now she won't even speak to me!"

• Sam's girlfriend's birthday was the same day as his father's. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume and his father a pistol. He wrapped the perfume and wrote a note to his girlfriend, saying, 'Use this all over yourself and think of me.' Unfortunately he put the note on his father's present.

• A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

• A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?' she asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . .' and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. 'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm lost!'

Also, Rude Birthday Jokes have been collected here which are really some of the best humor birthday jokes and Short Birthday Jokes.

• A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
  "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work.
  By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
  "What took you so long to answer?"
  "I was in bed."
  "What were you doing in bed this late?"
  "Getting a second opinion."

• You might be a redneck if...
  You don't think Jeff's Foxworthy's jokes are funny.
  Every time you see a roadsign that says "DIP" you reach in your back pocket.
  You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
  You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.
  You have to hit the dashboard in your truck to get the lights and radio to work.
  The tires on your pick-up are taller than your children.
  The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out.
  You think "dual airbags" refers to your wife and mother-in-law.
  Shopping for dinner involves an orange vest.
  Your school dress code contains the line "Shoes Optional".

• Two blonde girls were working for the county public works department.
  
  One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in.
  
  They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.
  
  An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing.
  
  So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it... why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
  
  The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick."
  

Birthday Jokes Rude - Birthday Jokes Text

Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.

Jasmeet: “What are you searching for?”

Santa Singh: “Hidden camera!”

Jasmeet: “And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?”

Santa Singh: “That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, you are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?”
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Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."
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Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant ...

Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.

"The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says.

The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks.

"Oh, HE'll have the fish." Hillary replies.
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High Blood Pressure

When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."

"Your mother's side or your father's?" I asked.

"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."

"Oh, come now," I said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"

He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"
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Honest Lawyer?

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.

"My name is Bobby. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Danny," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Bobby.

Danny replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Bobby.

"No, just the regular kind", replied Danny.
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It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
"Oh, I don't know," she said. "Just give me something with diamonds."
That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.

Rude Christmas Jokes Rude Birthday Jokes Christmas Jokes Rude

Rude Christmas Jokes : It was coming up to Christmas and Sammy asked his mum if he could have a new bike. So, she told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Sam, having just played a vital role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. So his mum told him that would be fine.
Sam went to his room and wrote ' Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.' But he wasn't very happy when he read it over. So he decided to try again and this time he wrote 'Dear Jesus, I'm a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.' He read it back and wasn't happy with that one either. He tried a third version. 'Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.' He read that one too, but he still wasn't satisfied.
So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary in the front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter. 'Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you'd better send me a new bike.

'What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !

What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy ?
She gave him the cold shoulder !

How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
You wake up wet !

What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ?
Grave-y !

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa Paws !

Danny had recently passed his driving test and decided to ask his clergyman father if there was any chance of him getting a car for Christmas, which was yet some months away. 'Okay.' said his father 'I tell you what I'll do. If you can get your 'A' level grades up to 'A's and 'B's, study your bible and get your hair cut, I'll consider the matter very seriously.'

"A couple of months later Danny went back to his father who said 'I'm really impressed by your commitment to your studies. Your grades are excellent and the work you have put into your bible studies is very encouraging. However, I have to say I'm very disappointed that you haven't had your hair cut yet. "

"Danny was a smart young man who was never lost for an answer. 'Look dad. In the course of my bible studies I've noticed in the illustrations that Moses, John the Baptist, Samson and even Jesus had long hair.' 'Yes. I'm aware of that...' replied his father '... but did you also notice they walked wherever they went?' "

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks !

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.

"'A woman went into a post office to buy some stamps for her Christmas cards. What denomination do you want ? asked the lady at the counter. 'Good God!' she replied, Has it come to this? I suppose you'd better give me twenty Catholic and twenty Presbyterian."

It was so cold on Christmas Eve at the North Pole that Santa had to jump-start three of his reindeer,

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.

Why is the month of December so popular?
It has a lot of dates.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Why did Santa Claus take his Christmas tree to the dentist?
To get a root canal.

Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
Because the angel had said,"No L!"

Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy.

Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

What do you call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

Why is it so cold on Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrrrrrrr!

Short Christmas Jokes - Holiday Jokes - 2009 New Year Jokes

Rude Birthday Jokes - It was 2008 Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "Now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"

Q: What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
A: Santapplause!

Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke!

Q: Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!

Q: Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
A: Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

Q: What would you get if you crossed one of Santa's helpers with the King of Rock 'n' Roll?
A: Elfis Presley!

Q: What is Santa's favorite American state?
A: Idaho-ho-ho!

Q: What would you have if Santa brought you a kitten and a puppy?
A: A meowy Christmas and a happy New Year!

Q: What do Santa's helpers make the day before Christmas?
A: Eight dollars an hour plus time and a half for overtime!

Q: What goes "Ho-Ho-Ho-Swish"?
A: Santa drilling a jump shot!

Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle.

A man went to his psychiatrist and said, "What's wrong with me? I'm afraid of Santa."
The psychiatrist said, "You must be Claustrophobic."
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The 2009 New Year's Eve party had turned into a regular marathon with numerous guests coming and going.

At one point, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to the bar in the basement.

He sat there happily for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face. "You know," he confided to his host, "I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my driveway."

The guest continued, "My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved."
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A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classroom observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste."

After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being
the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.

After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."

Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner.

Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked...

"A bottle of wine?"

His employees replied, "No."

Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid...

"A bottle of scotch?"

"His employees replied again, "No."

Finally the boss asked...

"I give up. What is it?"

His workers responded, "A puppy."

Birthday jokes can make a really nice Birthday gift for your loved ones also. You can either buy a nice birthday joke book from the market or if you are planning to gift a personalized birthday present to your near and dear ones then you can make your own birthday jokes book also. Here are certain nice and clean birthday jokes, which you can unhesitatingly add in your birthday joke book.

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go.

She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into McDonald's they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a movie theater, more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"
One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant dress size."

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.

"Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread."

"That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."

A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?' she asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . .' and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard.

'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm lost!'
What did you get for your birthday?
Another year!