Rude Christmas Jokes Rude Birthday Jokes Christmas Jokes Rude

Rude Christmas Jokes : It was coming up to Christmas and Sammy asked his mum if he could have a new bike. So, she told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Sam, having just played a vital role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. So his mum told him that would be fine.
Sam went to his room and wrote ' Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.' But he wasn't very happy when he read it over. So he decided to try again and this time he wrote 'Dear Jesus, I'm a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.' He read it back and wasn't happy with that one either. He tried a third version. 'Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.' He read that one too, but he still wasn't satisfied.
So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary in the front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter. 'Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you'd better send me a new bike.

'What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !

What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy ?
She gave him the cold shoulder !

How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
You wake up wet !

What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ?
Grave-y !

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa Paws !

Danny had recently passed his driving test and decided to ask his clergyman father if there was any chance of him getting a car for Christmas, which was yet some months away. 'Okay.' said his father 'I tell you what I'll do. If you can get your 'A' level grades up to 'A's and 'B's, study your bible and get your hair cut, I'll consider the matter very seriously.'

"A couple of months later Danny went back to his father who said 'I'm really impressed by your commitment to your studies. Your grades are excellent and the work you have put into your bible studies is very encouraging. However, I have to say I'm very disappointed that you haven't had your hair cut yet. "

"Danny was a smart young man who was never lost for an answer. 'Look dad. In the course of my bible studies I've noticed in the illustrations that Moses, John the Baptist, Samson and even Jesus had long hair.' 'Yes. I'm aware of that...' replied his father '... but did you also notice they walked wherever they went?' "

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks !

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.

"'A woman went into a post office to buy some stamps for her Christmas cards. What denomination do you want ? asked the lady at the counter. 'Good God!' she replied, Has it come to this? I suppose you'd better give me twenty Catholic and twenty Presbyterian."

It was so cold on Christmas Eve at the North Pole that Santa had to jump-start three of his reindeer,

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.

Why is the month of December so popular?
It has a lot of dates.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Why did Santa Claus take his Christmas tree to the dentist?
To get a root canal.

Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
Because the angel had said,"No L!"

Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy.

Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

What do you call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

Why is it so cold on Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrrrrrrr!

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